i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
