I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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