What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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