arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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