and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
