we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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