So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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