everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
