I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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