The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
