i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
