I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
