Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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