i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
