Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
