He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
