i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
