i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
