I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
