We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
