Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
