He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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