Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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