you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
