This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
