biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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