I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
