I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
