If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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