I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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