I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
