I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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