if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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