There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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