guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
