1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
