:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
