So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
