he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
