i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
