Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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