she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
