I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
