covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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