Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm at about main and main street
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize