i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
