Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
