so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
