my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Welp...herpes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
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so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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