Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
