I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
