I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
