Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
