Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
