Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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