I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
