he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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