if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
