she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
