Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
