Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
