sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I party with great urgency now.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
