They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
