I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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